Tears, Tear.

Seated somewhere,  trying to warm up my heart,  it is going cold lately,  like it is on a death bed. 

Crossing the space between the world inside and the world outside,  going inside out maybe.

Too close to  the closing line, but who is to blame when you call it quits on a part of your life that you are really working hard to ignore or run away from.

When you are constantly at war but you don’t have a clue what you are fighting, why the battle is all over you gave up but the fighting won’t stop. Then your mind lies to you that you need pain to heal/ cover  the previous pain.

When you just want to live a chapter blank and jump to another or start another book but you are probably sure it will face the same challenges.

Your mental health is on it’s own level,  wotking so hard to heal but you are perhaps on of its frequent patient,  thee one who never goes on full treatment and never goes out to ask for help.

The breaking hurts,  you need to heal, to let go but you have no idea what needs to let go,  the confusion. Just there. Sleepless nights keep your mind in a rollercoaster of thoughts, how replaceable you are,  how invisible you are to a better of the world,  the last choice, it doesn’t hurt as much as it destroys you. It is a thing always running through the mind,  people confirm it.

 Out of words,  out of light,  out of road,  on no script.​ Closing all doors to you. You need a hand to pull you out of the shell, the cocoon but too many disappointments come with fears. Stuck on your own world yet again.

The mind of a depressed being is a jungle , a puzzle. Too many things run in at a go. They never ask for assistance but they need it,  I need it. Don’t know how to,  but it kills them,  breaks them every moment and they still carry the heavy lock all through to the last. The semi colon the only medium.


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